I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
