The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We had sex on a dog bed..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
