im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
