He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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