I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
