so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
