is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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