I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
