Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
