Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize