i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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