Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
