The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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