i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
