no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
