So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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