I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How naked do you want me to be?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
