Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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