i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
