I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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