i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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