Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
