I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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