i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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