We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
