You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
