Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
