Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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