nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
