I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
