Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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