Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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