Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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