youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
