I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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