So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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