I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
