It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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