I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
