plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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