Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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