i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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