You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
