I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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