I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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