dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
