A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Aww well Iโm kinda unsober so probably best
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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