So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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