i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
