Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
