she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
