please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
