I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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