i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
