I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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