Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
