Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
