we're chasing vodka with high fives
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
