Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
